Sex And Intimacy

19_sSex And Intimacy

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert

Let’s Talk About Sex

Sex and Intimacy are perhaps two of the most difficult subjects to talk about. But why is that? Well our collective fear, guilt and shame which have been running through our societies for centuries have a lot to answer for. If we were raised in Christian countries we have been given the message that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, that we can’t have sex before we get married and that once married we can only have sex with that person for the rest of our lives.

So we learn to suppress our desires..better not tell the wife that the new 25 year old beautiful neighbour with pert breasts is in any way attractive…God forbid that we own this desire for fear of shame and a level of retribution that only wives know how to deliver. So we pretend. We pretend that we are satisfied with our once weekly, if we are lucky, or once monthly, sexual interaction with our wife, that lacks everything that we long for. We want to be cradled in Love, in total acceptance, we want to see the desire in their eyes and feel it in their bodies. We want to join, to become one, to move our energies as one being and to connect with something far greater than ourselves in the union that Love Making is. But we convince ourselves that a few minutes of genital pleasure and a spasm of ejaculatory release is somehow more meaningful than the deepest bliss of being that we can experience when we make Love when we learn to drop away from our programming.

mindful-sex-intimacy-connectionFear

So it seems clear to me that we live in a climate of fear. Fear of being judged, fear of getting it wrong, fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of breaking away from our old patterns of being and relating, fear of loss of attachment, and ultimately fear of not being Loved. This octopus of fear has men well and truly caught up in its tentacles, constricted, heart broken and emotionally castrated men limp through life yearning for it to be radically different.

Some men head off into the field of affairs where the hopes that the grass is greener fuels their secret rendezvous. Others turn to the ladies of the night so they can just once in a while feel the touch of a woman’s body, others sit by the dimmed light of their lap tops watching pneumatically breasted women pretend they are enjoying being f*cked by a series of men. And the result of this??? Yet more fear, guilt and shame around our sexuality.

What is the solution?

It seems clear to me that there needs to be a move towards freedom. A freedom to be heard in our desires, a freedom to be seen as sexual, a freedom to be met with acceptance, a freedom to connect intimately with the people that we love, a freedom to be liberated beyond the shackles of conformity and a freedom to live a life infused with Joy, Love, and Ease.

Yes! This is what I want!

So you’ve made the first step. You’ve decided that something needs to be different. You know you want to be free of guilt, fear and shame around your sexuality…so what next? This is a journey that needs to be travelled, and with all journeys when we have a guide it’s much easier to find our way. This is the role of the Dakini or Sacred Sexual Priestess. She will guide you through your feelings, out of your mind and into your body. She will teach you how to Love beyond any Love you have felt before and she will teach you how to let go of All that doesn’t serve you while holding you within a container of total Love and Acceptance. This is the way of the Dakini…this is the Path of Tantra.

A-WpdlGCAAEapwgA note on male ejaculation

I am asked by many men about ejaculation and so here are my thoughts on it. A man’s weakest link sexually is that he tends to need to want to release stress through sex: actualised by an addiction to ejaculation and rituals of comfort, born from teenage years of masturbation. What results is that a man will treat his woman as a receptacle for his tension, his frustration, his burden and his semen. He wants his woman to take on everything and to leave him empty. How do you think this leaves the woman feeling?

Initially in my Tantra session I will teach you how to not to ejaculate, but instead how to hold onto your energy, to move it skilfully through the body. To use it to open up your heart, to heal, to bring in more consciousness and presence and ultimately to open to the Divine and to create a path of complete freedom for yourself.

Once you have mastered this I will teach you that a woman wants to be filled, but filled by Love, energy and passion, not tension and frustration. She wants to support her man in feeling utter release – sheer bounded consciousness, free of fear and stress which is the quality of a man’s true nature. That with practice a man can learn to empty himself of his entire sense of separateness, consciously. In loving embrace with her he learns to confront his fears, his need for comfort and control, and he lets go and surrenders into Love – her Love. Then with time he realises that the Love he feels in her heart is also the true nature of his heart and so he realises that this Love that he so longs for can actually be attained with or without a woman in his arms. As this Love is an expression of his true nature.

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